My girly legs are showing

I had a class full of meerkats yesterday. The year 8 boys are obsessed—and have become competitive. As the girls pretend not to look on, the boys shoot up and look about with their top lips raised above their teeth. They move their heads from one side to the other as though keeping a jerky lookout, put the weight on their heels, extend their necks and hold out their arms in coathanger paws.

 

I thought: okay. I’m prepared to go with this.

 

It was quite joyous, really.

 

And it’s working, too. At the lockers today I caught J— and S— in a skirted huddle, comparing pictures of meerkats that they had found on the net. They were trying to figure out which one was the best looking.

 

“That one looks more like B—,” insisted S—. (B— is the hot boy in the class.)

“Yeah, but this one’s cuter.”

An awkward pause.  Then: “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t care,” S— continued, “I still think B—is okay.”

 

***

 

And below: a loving tribute to yours truly submitted by two year tens in place of an actual essay:

 

One day Mr M. walked into class and saw M— and the F—man all by themselves, so he said, “screw this, let’s party!!” He ripped off all his clothes (except underwear…eww) and magically music came on and he started dancing to partyboy. Then magically we were zapped to Berlin and a bunch of German people started to slap Mr M.’s legs.

 

He had the hairiest legs in the whole of Germany, till the Germans slapped all his hair off!! “Oh no,” he said! “My girly legs are showing!!” So F—man said, “here have a bit of muscle!” F—man threw Mr M. muscle. Mr M. grew muscle on his legs instantly! Mr M. said, “Thanks F—man. Now I don’t have to show off my girly legs off any more.” M— threw Mr M. extra hair! Mr M. obliged and said, “Thanks, M—, my tank legs look rugged now!!”

 

Then Mr M. jumped into the Louvre and started singin I’m a Barbie Girl by acqua and showin off his tank legs in the partyboy suit. Over 25 men were by his side instantly!!

 

They were zapped back to Australia coz his singing is so bad and he went back to his girly self, and M— went back to his hairiness and F—man went back to his tankiness!!

 

THE END

From F—man and C—boy.

 

It’s a sign of affection. Yep, they’re going to miss me.